Asking for help as a leader can be daunting. It’s an act of vulnerability. In workplace cultures where individual productivity and reciprocity are valued, asking for help as a leader comes with baggage. It might feel like you’re not good enough to do your job, or if you ask for help and receive it, you’re then in someone’s debt. 

However, admitting you need help doesn’t make you a bad leader. There is strength in being vulnerable and using all of the resources at your disposal in order to make the right decisions. 

For example, say you are having a hard time getting an employee to focus on their time management. They’re new to your team, but their previous manager is still at your company. Asking that previous manager how they best communicated with their direct report can give you valuable context in forging the right connection and getting your employee on track. 

No matter the size of your company or your tenure as a leader, you have many options on who to ask for help. Let’s explore this support network and the best way to ask for help when you need it. 

Who to Ask

Your Colleagues and Peers

First, your colleagues. Is there someone with your organization who has been through what you’re going through? What can you learn from their experience? Asking colleagues for help is a great way to strengthen and expand your internal network. Second, your peers. Seeking help from peers can be the right first step if you’re unsure of the response to seeking help internally. Since they’re familiar with your work but don’t work with you directly, they can be a more neutral party, which can be useful depending on the content of your ask. 

Need another reason to ask colleagues and peers for help? Research has shown that asking colleagues and peers for advice can help you earn respect. “We find that people are reticent to seek advice for fear of appearing incompetent. This fear, however, is misplaced. We demonstrate that individuals perceive those who seek advice as more competent than those who do not,” say researchers Brooks, Gino, and Schweitzer in a 2015 Harvard Business School study. This does, however, depend upon the difficulty of the task, who you ask, and how the ask is made. 

Your Employees

Asking your team members for help shows that trust them and they provide value to you. In addition, it promotes a culture of “collaborative help” throughout the company – encouraging the sharing of perspectives and expertise. Studies have found that companies which have fostered a “culture of helping” – such as successful design firm, Ideo – show increased employee retention and customer satisfaction, and greater profits. 

According to Ideo CEO, Tim Brown, “In the creative process, help is something you often don’t know you need until it’s there in front of you. I do think that’s something that organizations can do something about: They can set up their culture such that serendipitous help is more likely to be available.” 

A Trusted Mentor

The act of asking someone you respect for advice is a clear statement that you value their wisdom and expertise. And most people are happy to offer you their guidance. As an added bonus, research has shown that mentors become more invested in your success by providing their advice. Seek out and create a team of trusted mentors whom you feel comfortable approaching for feedback and perspective.

As Steve Jobs asserted in his now famous 1994 interview, “I’ve never found anyone who’s said no or hung up the phone when I called – I just asked. And when people ask me, I try to be as responsive, to pay that debt of gratitude back.”

Again, choose your mentors wisely, and seek their help sparingly. Tell them why you’ve chosen them (i.e, what you admire about them), and be clear about your ask.

A Leadership or Executive Coach

Even the most tenured leaders might find that the strengths that allowed them to achieve their current success aren’t exactly what they need to reach the next level. If you feel stuck or unsure how to motivate and align a team around a vision, tapping into a leadership or executive coach is a great way to get help. 

Executives are increasingly turning to coaches to help them grow and succeed. A good executive coach will help you think more strategically, better leverage your strengths and those of your employees, and be more effective with your time. Most importantly, an executive coach is an objective thought partner with no agenda other than supporting you to evolve your leadership skills, and your organization.

Tips for Making the Ask

Even when you understand the benefits of asking for help, it can still feel uncomfortable to do so. Here are some tips for making the ask:

1. Reframe it as a positive
Rather than being embarrassed about seeking help, think of it as asking for input and leveraging the resources around you. Your “ask” provides a mutual benefit – it gives others the opportunity to offer their expertise and showcase their skills.

2. Be Specific
Define the question and the specific feedback or guidance you are seeking.

3. Make it clear why you are asking that person
What strengths or skills do you see in them? For example, rather than: “I’m totally out of my depth and don’t know how to solve this problem.” Try instead: “I know you have extensive experience with mergers and acquisitions and I would appreciate your input on this situation.”

Everyone needs help at some point or another. Whether it’s a project-based conundrum or a career-changing decision, asking for help is the right thing to do. Whether that ask is seeking feedback from your direct reports, or hiring an executive coach, it takes wisdom, self awareness, and some vulnerability, to take that step.

Download our Leadership Development Plan Template to further your goals as a leader.

In this data discussion, we examine our latest findings around one of today’s most celebrated leadership skills — Empathy. In the past, leadership training focused on helping managers improve employee productivity to maximize profits, often without valuing those employees as individual human beings. More recently, organizations have begun to recognize the positive impact of empathetic leaders, from general business performance to employee well-being.

Google’s research on team effectiveness highlights the paradigm shift from employees as drones, to employees as people. They found that psychological safety—the ability for team members to take risks and be vulnerable in front of one another—is the single biggest predictor of a successful team. In other words, when leaders display empathy towards missteps instead of punishment, their teams are generally happier and more productive.

Given the importance of leadership empathy in the workplace, we are excited to explore how it manifests in our data.

The Gender Empathy Gap

We started by investigating gender differences regarding leadership empathy. Psychologists have consistently shown that women display more empathy than men, both in their actions, and at the neurological level.

It is interesting then that women in our data do not rate themselves significantly higher than men in empathy. However, people do believe their female coworkers display more empathy than their male coworkers. In other words, while coworkers believe female leaders display more empathy than their male counterparts, female leaders do not see themselves that way.

One interpretation here is that women do not give themselves enough credit for their kindness. This may be because women are generally less confident and self-assured than men.

You can see these patterns in the graph below.

The error bars (the thin black lines that look like capital I’s) represent a 95% likelihood that the value (the big color bar) is really within that range. The fact that those error bars do not overlap in the coworker ratings indicates there is a significant difference between the scores of men and women, even when taking the margin of error into account.

While the perception in our data that women are more empathetic than men is not surprising, it is always interesting to see “common knowledge” revealed through data.

Your Manager Needs Support Too

Perhaps less intuitively, we also found interesting patterns in empathy based on the relationship between the rater and the leader. You can see in the graph below, direct reports rate their managers as having much more empathy than managers perceive their direct reports to have. In other words, employees are getting the better end of the stick than their managers when it comes to feeling seen and understood.

We find this pattern holds, regardless of the leader’s position in the company. For instance, a VP would likely rate the CEO higher in empathy than the CEO would rate the VP. At the same time, the VP manages their own team and likely perceives their direct reports to be less empathetic than the direct reports perceive the VP to be.

This could result in two people leaving an interaction feeling very differently about the level of empathy their counterpart displayed. From a manager’s perspective, it indicates the empathy they display does not feel reciprocated. What could account for this imbalance?

Managers are often the person employees approach with their dissatisfaction and complaints. A good manager will patiently listen and try to help their employees navigate and resolve their difficulties. At the same time, managers generally hold greater responsibilities and stressors than their direct reports. Thus an employee can leave a meeting feeling heard and understood while their manager feels underappreciated and walks away with additional weight after the interaction.

Alternatively, perhaps we see a manifestation of the power dynamic between these two people. Direct reports may be afraid to say their managers lack empathy, while managers tend to “call it as they see it.”

The Icy Perception of C-Level Sensitivity

The graph below shows different empathy ratings for leaders based on management levels. The rating data we just discussed lends some insight into these findings. For instance, notice how individual contributors—the blue bar—are rated among the lowest in empathy. This makes sense given that they do not have any direct reports to boost their empathy scores.

Another piece of the graph worth examining is the red bar on the left, representing empathy ratings for C-level executives. The cynical interpretation of this finding is that C-level executives don’t put in the effort to display empathy, simply because they don’t need to. The charitable interpretation is, C-level executives are focused on implementing broader, more visionary solutions and do not have time or energy to individually interact with employees in an overly empathetic way.

Yes, Empathy Can Be Learned

These rating discrepancies are certainly interesting and were worth spending time on, but the most exciting finding our analysis uncovers is that coaching improves empathy ratings! People believe they became significantly more empathetic between their first and second assessments. Coworkers also notice this improvement trend, as shown in the graph below.

Leaders became noticeably more empathetic after receiving coaching. In even better news, this growth applies across the board; it is not restricted by factors like personality type, initial openness to coaching, or even how much the leader likes their coach.

Summary

Phew! That’s a lot of data for today. So, what do we want you to take away?

1. If you are a female leader, take credit for your empathy! It is an important skill and you should be proud to excel in it.
2. Recognize that your manager is juggling a lot, and don’t take their support for granted. Patience and kindness can go a long way in reciprocating the empathy they offer.
3. Whether empathy is a strength or less natural for you, engaging a leadership coach will help you level up.

Learn how to become a more empathetic leader with the help of Torch. Request a demo below.

Welcome back to Leading by the Numbers!  Over the next few months, I will bring you an in-depth analysis of each of the 11 leadership domains: adaptability, conflict management, domain expertise, empathy, execution, group facilitation, inspiration, integrity, listening, mentoring, and vision.

The data I’ll discuss was collected through the Torch leadership assessment questionnaire. Leaders use our questionnaire to rank themselves on all 11 leadership domains. Their coworkers then anonymously assess the leader in those same 11 areas. This process uncovers their strengths and weaknesses, and draws attention to any self-awareness gaps.

Leadership Integrity: Our Findings

Today’s focus is on leadership integrity, a highly valued trait in all businesses. Leaders who have strong integrity are honest, fulfill their commitments, and take responsibility for their mistakes. Those low in integrity might take their frustrations out on coworkers, pursue hidden agendas, or conduct themselves inappropriately in the workplace.

Torch data shows several interesting patterns around leadership integrity across thousands of data points. Most notably, people tend to rank both themselves and others significantly higher in integrity than in any other leadership domain. In other words, leaders working with Torch perceive their integrity as a relative strength, and their coworkers agree.

However, it’s important to acknowledge the fear or worry that may come up when someone is asked to evaluate another person’s leadership integrity. Since integrity is often seen as a fundamental trait of “good people,” receiving a low integrity score could be much more upsetting than accepting a low rating, on say, conflict management.

Bias Visualized

The high leadership integrity scores serve to remind us that 360 reviews may show bias on sensitive or fundamental qualities since most people do not want to offend or upset their coworkers.

You can see this bias in visual form in the graph of distributions below. Self-ratings are on the left and coworker ratings are on the right. The thin black vertical lines represent the median of the domain, and the crazy mountain-looking things represent the general distribution of the data (where most of the Torch data falls on the spectrum).

You’ll notice the median and the bulk of integrity ratings (in bright blue, 4th from the top) are further to the right than the rest of the domains in both self (left side) and other-reports (right side). These may look like minor differences, but they are statistically significant, which means it is very unlikely that these high integrity ratings are due to random chance.

Integrity Data Findings and Controlled Variables

It is encouraging that our integrity ratings are generally very high. However, there is a dark side to our data findings. Based on our data, as leaders gain experience, their teams tend to rate them lower in integrity.

You read that correctly! The more years of experience a leader has, the less integrity their coworkers see in them.

You might be thinking, there must be other factors impacting the decline in integrity ratings outside of experience, right? We thought so too. That’s why we looked at other influential variables like the leader’s gender, personality, and management level. There are also intangible factors to consider, such as the personal relationship between the coworker and the leader.

Fortunately, statistics allow us to control for all of these variables. We can remove the influence of outside factors to focus on the direct relationship between colleague-rated integrity and years of experience. It turns out that even controlling for all of these variables, integrity ratings still tend to fall as experience rises. This reinforces that the relationship between integrity and years of experience is independent of other factors.

Possible Explanations

What could be going on here? Why do people seemingly lose integrity as they gain experience?

Here are three potential explanations:

1. More experience leads to more exposure. 

As leaders gain experience, their actions and decisions become more visible throughout their organization.

A leader who has been at a company for ten years is probably making more high-impact choices than one who has only been there for two. The higher visibility of more experienced leaders could explain why they’re receiving lower integrity ratings compared to those with less experience.

For instance, to be perceived as a leader who avoids taking responsibility for their actions, someone providing feedback must witness mistakes firsthand. Similarly, in order to be perceived as pursuing a hidden agenda, the rater must have some idea of the leader’s agenda to begin with.

As leaders gain experience within an organization, increased exposure leads to visibility into mistakes and agendas, whereas newer leaders may be less scrutinized.

2. More experienced leaders are held to higher standards.

People are more likely to forgive mistakes and occasional bad behavior from new leaders who are still learning the ropes.

For example, direct reports providing feedback for a less experienced leader might give extra leeway when it comes to missing tight deadlines that they wouldn’t afford a more senior leader.

This is because a more experienced leader often has additional responsibilities that impact a broader set of coworkers. When they fail to meet deadlines, the actions of seasoned leaders can have repercussions throughout the entire business.

As leaders gain experience, flaws such as unreliability become more memorable and might negatively impact their integrity ratings.

3. Experienced leaders no longer feel the need to please their colleagues.

At the beginning of a leader’s career, maintaining a positive image is extremely important for advancement. They tend to be extra mindful of how their actions might be perceived.

However, as a leader’s career progresses, they can become less guarded and take the impact of their actions for granted. For example, they might take their frustrations out on direct reports or hide and withhold important information. These types of selfish actions are much less likely to negatively impact their career path, if they meet larger business objectives.

Unfortunately, experience may lead people to treat their coworkers with greater indifference because they can get away with it.

Summary

Overall, leadership integrity ratings skew quite high in our data. However, for more experienced leaders, our analysis provides a word of caution. Senior leaders need to be mindful of the impact of their behavior on others if they want to keep the trust and respect of their colleagues.

Want to learn more about Torch’s 360 Leadership Assessment? Request a demo below.

It can be immensely challenging to tackle obstacles and try new things. So much so that many people never attempt it. But, the uncertain space just outside your comfort zone is where the greatest innovations, most fulfilling accomplishments, and the most impactful leadership experience exists.

Effective leaders understand the benefits of stretching themselves to learn new things, grow beyond their current skill set, and develop a strong connection with those around them. Let’s look at how to step outside your comfort zone as a leader and become a more well-rounded, engaging coach and partner to your team.

Identify What’s Stopping You

Before you can break through the barriers holding you back, you need to know why they exist in the first place. There are several possible barriers, and some will affect you more than others. Examples of thoughts you might be grappling with include:

• Am I good enough?
• I’m faking my way through it
• I’m afraid of failing
• I want people to like me
• Why change? It’s easier to do it my way

The challenges you encounter when you venture outside of your comfort zone are different from anyone else’s. For this reason, there is no master list of roadblocks leaders face; these fears, anxieties, and self-talk are unique to your life experience. To identify these issues, spend time reflecting on what holds you back. Stepping outside your comfort zone gets much easier when you recognize why you feel uncomfortable.

Prepare for the Leadership Challenge of Change

Think of your comfort zone as the center of a Venn diagram consisting of your education, work experience, and personal preferences. The tasks you complete at this cross section are always based on the life and professional experience that guides your decisions. Stepping away from these touchpoints can be immensely difficult. It’s important to recognize how hard this process might be and that it will take time and effort to make a change.

This can be confrontational at times. When you address issues you have been purposefully avoiding, internal and external conflict can arise that is immensely uncomfortable. By addressing these challenges, however, you will ultimately become a much better, more confident leader.

Leadership Comfort: Outline the Pros and Cons

One of your biggest obstacles will be the fear of what could go wrong. Research has shown that we vastly overestimate the impact of negative consequences. Stress levels increase and the resulting fear often keeps us from taking risks.

To combat this, write a list of all the things that may actually go wrong.. For example, if you’re struggling with public speaking, ask yourself what the worst possible outcome might be.

Embarrassment. A small audience. Physical discomfort.

Now contrast those with all of the benefits you could enjoy by taking that leap.

A larger personal network. Fulfillment in providing value to colleagues. Becoming a thought leader and industry icon.

This simple exercise can help to put the real-world implications of your decision in context, and writing it down often makes the proposed changes feel less scary than when they are just in your head.

Make a Plan to Take Action: Step Outside of Your Leadership Comfort

If the thought of doing something outside your comfort zone triggers anxiety, break the task into smaller pieces and implement an action plan to tackle them one at a time.

A great example is giving negative feedback to an employee. One of the biggest barriers to developing a culture of feedback is the extent to which managers avoid and fear those conversations. To overcome this, you can take additional steps before a meeting in which the hard feedback is given. Write down your thoughts in advance and take the time to identify some specific examples to illustrate where your feedback is coming from. Practice giving it by roleplaying with someone you trust to get used to the potential backlash.

Fear of the unknown can be a significant blocking factor. Take away the unknown by preparing as much as possible before diving into a new challenge.

Identify and Appreciate Your Successes

Whether it’s criticism as part of a performance review or a short speech given at a local meetup, celebrate success. Recognize that you’ve overcome previously unmovable barriers to do something new. Too often, leaders feel they should have already been doing these things. They treat their accomplishments as deficiencies overcome.

Stop thinking “I should have been able to do this years ago” and focus on the positive. You just busted through a significant mental block, upended years of habit, and took a step out into the unknown.

Get Help in Your Journey

It takes courage, time, and a commitment to do and experience new and uncomfortable things. None of this is easy. To tackle big challenges, it helps to have a support team who can provide insights, encouragement, and at times give you a push to keep moving forward.

Whether you’re attempting to overcome years of introversion or push aside your fear of not being liked and provide the feedback your direct reports need to hear, a mentor, colleague or coach can be an invaluable resource to help you keep pushing forward. Not only will an outside voice push you to keep trying new things, but they will also hold you accountable once you set new goals.

Download our editable Leadership Development Plan to set goals that will take you outside of your comfort zones.