Been there, led that: Why lived experience makes better coaches
I have always considered myself someone who excels at understanding models and frameworks. I’ve built my career on being “good with people.” Yet there was a moment in my leadership journey when I found myself overwhelmed, standing in a fog so thick I couldn’t see the path forward.
I was living in a state of high stress, putting immense pressure on myself. Leaders today must simultaneously hold so much—care for their people, strategic thinking, delivering results—all while weathering constant change. In that moment, I couldn’t meet my own high standards in any of my roles.
That turning point came when I sat across from a coach who had held the weight of leadership themselves. They looked into my eyes and said, “I understand, I’ve been there myself.” In that moment of recognition, something shifted. This wasn’t about theory—it was about human connection with someone who could help me put one foot in front of the other.
When you’ve walked the path, you guide differently
That early experience sparked something in me. Over the years—and now as Torch’s Director of Coaching Experience— I’ve observed what makes the difference between coaching that feels like just another conversation and coaching that fundamentally shifts how leaders show up in the world.
Leadership happens in the messy middle of competing priorities, limited resources, and high expectations. Coaches who have been leaders themselves bring a different foresight and understanding than those who have never led people. Our coach-leaders understand your unique context and work culture to help steer you toward what would actually work in the world you’re in—not some theoretical ideal.
“I was expecting a hard-nosed football coach who would point out all my flaws and demand greatness. Instead, he listened intently with the goal of understanding my position, and then worked with me to find solutions.”—Gregory S., Financial Leader, Torch Coachee
They carry experience won from mistakes and lessons learned the hard way. They know where to push and probe to help you avoid the big missteps they’ve already made. And when you do stumble—because we all do—they know exactly how to pull those learnings out, because they can see the future application those hard-won insights will have down the line. Their guidance is rooted in the soil of lived reality, not just coaching concepts.
This is why at Torch, we’ve taken a fundamentally different approach to coaching, starting with who we bring into our coach community. We’re incredibly selective, prioritizing coaches with extensive business leadership experience alongside professional accreditation.
We believe great coaching comes from people who’ve truly been there—leaders who’ve navigated complexity and grown through lived experience. Because the wrong coach doesn’t just miss the mark—they can quietly reinforce patterns that hold people back. And when time is one of the biggest barriers to coaching, every moment needs to matter.
Coach today for a better tomorrow
The traditional approach to leadership coaching puts all the onus on the individual to start their coaching journey with an idealized vision for their future. At Torch, we recognize there are three voices in our coaching engagements: the company sponsoring the coaching, the leader being coached, and the coach themselves.
Our active guide approach starts right here, right now: Who are you? What’s going on? What are you struggling with? At the same time, we’re focused on helping leaders grow in ways that align with how their company defines leadership and measures impact—whether that’s through business outcomes, behaviors, or both.
This philosophy of “coach today for a better tomorrow” drives everything we do. We focus on creating immediate improvements, removing obstacles right now, and then layering up lessons for lasting impact. It’s not about chasing some perfect version of the future—it’s about building momentum through real progress that adds up over time.
“Our approach to coaching is actually different. We coach in context, and our coaches act as active guides. It’s not just sitting there asking questions and taking you on your own wild adventure. It’s directed, it’s taking you somewhere, and it’s solutions-focused – helping you find what will make this week better for you and your team.”—Heather Conklin, Torch CEO
Finding guides who’ve walked in your shoes
Because our coaches have lived leadership experience, they have an arsenal of tips, anecdotes, and personal stories that they can offer leaders who are struggling. Our coaches aren’t telling them what to do, but they’re providing tools and options that leaders can pull from to keep moving forward.
This approach is particularly powerful for those new to coaching. We’ve designed our process to remove the trial and error that often makes first-time coaching experiences less productive. Our coaches create trust quickly, establish momentum early, and deliver value from the very first session.
What makes our coaching community exceptional flows from four essential qualities:
- Deep business experience across varied terrain: Our coaches have led teams, managed complex projects, navigated organizational politics, and delivered results in real business environments.
- A history of developing others: Beyond their own leadership journey, our coaches have helped others grow, whether as mentors, managers, or dedicated coaches.
- The balance of challenge and support: Rather than taking a passive approach, our coaches act as partners who provide both empathetic understanding and constructive challenge.
- Commitment to observable transformation: Our coaches focus on creating real, observable change – not just interesting conversations. They help leaders translate insights into action.
Expanding capacities, not just teaching skills
Our recent Leadership Evolution survey revealed a troubling disconnect: while 74% of organizations know they need to evolve their leadership capabilities, nearly half haven’t made meaningful progress. Many leaders feel unprepared for today’s challenges, with only 32% feeling “pretty prepared” to tackle demands like AI adoption and rapid change.
I see this gap every day in my conversations with leaders. There’s a yearning for development that goes beyond theory – for guidance that truly helps them with what they are up against. Even people who see good leadership around them, have to learn how to internalize these behaviors and make them their own – otherwise, they just mimic their role models and wonder why when they do the same things they don’t have the same results.
This echoed my own experience. In my moment of overwhelm, my cup was already overflowing—nothing could stick or shift. What I really needed was a bigger cup.
Our aim isn’t just to teach leadership skills but to expand fundamental leadership capacities—helping them develop resilience, manage uncertainty, and hold complexity with grace. The bridge between knowing and being is built through relationship—through working with someone who can help you integrate leadership wisdom into your unique context.
Leadership coaching, reimagined
In a world where many coaching platforms are moving toward AI coaching and digital-first approaches, we’re doubling down on the human element of coaching – while using technology to enhance, not replace, the coaching relationship.
Our coaches are more than just skilled questioners – they’re trusted partners who help leaders navigate complexity. We invest heavily in relationships with our coaches. They aren’t vendors; they’re collaborators who help us shape the coaching experience through continuous feedback loops and shared learning.
I’m not just a coach—I get coached too. One of my coaches told me once, “Magic is a shift in perception—change the way you see things and the things you see will change.” I know this may sound fluffy, but when you have the right coach as your guide, they stand with you, challenge your perception, and help you see things in a whole new way.
The moments that have transformed my leadership have also changed me as a person—and that comes from my coach being able to both honor who I fundamentally am and challenge me to uplevel not just my skills but how I think, act, lead, and exist in this hyper-change world.
When you find this kind of guide—someone who’s walked through similar fires—suddenly you’re doing things you never thought possible. How you exist in your world of work has monumentally changed, not just for you but for everyone you work with.
That’s the difference leadership-informed coaching makes. And it’s the Torch difference today’s leaders deserve.
Ready to experience the difference Torch coaches can make? Let’s talk about how our coaches can help your leaders thrive.
Author spotlight
What to look for in a coaching provider
Not all coaches—or coaching platforms—are created equal. Here are a few signs you’re in good hands:
- Real leadership experience (not just vague titles)
- Transparent vetting, including references and tenure
- Matching based on business context, not just personality
- Alignment with your company’s culture and leadership goals
- Focus on outcomes that go beyond satisfaction scores
- Ongoing development and insight-sharing among coaches
